Your Energy Is a Luxury

I never thought a sports podcast would change my life, but here we are. A few months ago, Taylor Swift appeared on the New Heights Podcast with Travis and Jason Kelce. Throughout the interview, Jason asked her how she dealt with online criticism, harassment and the stress of being such a public figure. What she said may have changed my life and how I look at myself.

Think of your energy as if it's expensive. As if it's like a luxury item. Not everyone can afford it. Not everyone has invested in you, in order to be able to have the capital for you to care about this.

Never in my life had I heard something put so succinctly. I've heard the idea "Let them". I've heard all sorts of theories and ideas to stop worrying about what people say or think about you. Yet, I continously gave these people space in my head, to have anxiety or sometimes crippling fear of going out or to an event for fear of how I may be percieved. This changed all of that.

Energy is Currency

This was a big part of changing my mindset. As I continue on the other side of fifty, I realize I likely have more years behind me than I do ahead of me. Energy is Time and time is valuable. When I was younger, it felt like an endless resource, but now after losing many friends and family as I get older, I realize just how limited that time and energy is.

Energy is also your health. I've spent my whole life riddled with anxiety. Terrified of making someone mad, of getting yelled at or being laughed at. After my rather public crisis several years ago I became even more terrified. Some of the things said and shared about me online were quite traumatic and awful. It took me years to stop hearing those voices in my head. Seeing someone in public that may start it up again literally paralyzed me with fear.

I went to an art show by myself a few months ago, and almost had a panic attack before I even left the house. Once I got there, things went fine and I had fun. I was glad I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. But I also feel like it should not have been that big of an accomplishment.

But I was allowing outside people to effect my energy which was effecting my health, especially my mental health. When I sat and thought about it after listening to Taylor's words, I was like why do I care? Why do I care what someone on the internet thinks of me. Even if I happen to see them in person. Even if they only knew of me at my worst moments when I was not in a good place. They don't know the work I've done, the people I've cared for and impacted. They just know that one thing and likely not even accurate information on that part.

Why should I let them have so much control over me? I know they are going out and enjoying their life without worrying about me. Taylor's music has gotten me through some of the darkest parts of my life when I was going through my divorce and custody battle 14 or so years ago. Now she's pulling me over another threshold in my own head.

Protecting Your Energy

The hardest thing for me was boundaries. Growing up a people pleaser, I had terrible boundaries. I had to make everyone happy. I had to let everyone have access to me and my energy and if people had problems or issues then I had to fix everyone. I also learned after my blow up, just how many "friendships" I was holding together on my own. After I went dark for awhile, a handful of people reached out to me to check on me. Others either turned on me, or just forgot about me entirely. Without me spending my energy to maintain contact, I was quickly forgotten.

As I started taking a tighter look at my boundaries and energy, it does feel weird enforcing a boundary or cutting someone off who doesn't respect it. It feels selfish at first. Like this person needed help, or they were my friend. But a true friend isn't going to expect you to be their on call therapist, or think making fun of you as "jokes" is ok. Especially when you politely ask them not to do that and they get angry. It shows they never respected you even a little.

When I need to take a break from people after vending or doing an art event, or anything social I will sit alone with my thoughts, meditate or do art. Art has been therapeutic for me in more ways than I can count. When I'm doing art, my mind is at ease and a healthy wave of energy is flowing through me. It does feel spiritual, sometimes like the Universe is channeling something through me. Either a message I or someone else needs to see.

Meditation is another life saver for me. I go places I can't even describe when I meditate. I don't know if maybe I'm astral projecting at times, but it feels like I'm somewhere. Its intense and I feel like a new person when I finish. Both of these are amazing ways for me to recharge. Maybe for you something else is what works. The key is finding that thing you love that helps you recharge that energy.

Be Picky Who You Share Your Energy With

Who we surround ourselves with can make or break us. Years ago, I thought everyone in my circle was my friend. I was extremely wrong. Looking back, I realized many red flags I had ignored. Mainly people who drain my own energy by constantly needing things or they want to vent to me, but don't have time to listen to any of my issues. The other red flag is gossipers. People who constantly tell you other people's business, you can be sure are telling those people yours.

Energy vampires, we've seen them like the guy in What we Do in the Shadows. They are a real thing. My ex wife was one. Everything at all times had to be about her. I had a big event or one of my college classes was coming up, she would suddenly have some major crisis or just tell me that I'd rather go do that major thing, than spend time with her.

I've had people I thought were friends who were the same. Always needing something, always wanting a favor, etc, If I needed so much as someone to vent to, they were busy or didn't have the "spoons." Which I can understand, but this was EVERY TIME. I hung on longer than I should have, but eventually just stopped communicating.

As Taylor said above, your energy is expensive, its a luxury. We don't need to be a world famous pop star. Everyone one of us has value, so our energy has value. Now, I don't give people so many chances. I can tell early on if they respect me and my energy. Anyone who doesn't value your energy, doesn't respect it or who drains it is living on credit, and its ok to close the account.

When you surround yourself with people who are invested in you, that alone recharges you. When the energy exchange is equal and mutual, you build each other up and recharge each other. Anyone friend who doesn't cheer for your wins, is secretly rooting against you. People who are invested in you will cheer for your wins, and life you up during your losses. They won't just take from you, but will give back. They won't test your boundaries because they have respect for you. Its so much lower stress and an all around happier way to live being surrounded by people who invest in you and your energy than trying to please the vampires.

Closing Thoughts

For a long time, I gave everyone access to my energy because I didn't value it. I thought I had to be humble. I didn't think I was anyone important and no one would want to be around me if it wasn't for what I could do for them. It took a big crash out and some Taylor Wisdom to realize that all of us have value. My energy is worth protecting. My mental health is worth protecting. I know what its like to be down the dark road, and never want to go down that path again.

Something to think about in your own journaling or meditation is ask yourself, "Where in my life am I giving energy that doesn’t return to me?" don't be afraid to be honest with yourself. The answers and needed actions can sometimes sting, but in the end you'll feel so much better for it.

When we honor our own energy, others will as well. We can live more authentically and learn to truly love ourselves and show ourselves the love we deserve. I spent a good part of my life in self loathing. I'm finally learning to love myself and treat my energy like the commodity that it is. When we treat our energy as the sacred luxury it is, we don’t just protect ourselves, we create space to thrive, to love, and to give in ways that matter.