Wounds of Perception

I finished this drawing this morning on my tablet. For anyone curious, I do this art, by hand on a Samsung tablet in an app called Infinite Painter. I use a stylus and have different brushes and tools in the app I can achieve different effects. Its my favorite way to draw and paint with the limited space I have in my home and makes no mess and no storage.

So this morning I drew this and looked at it for quite awhile and this title sort of came to me. I realized how much our perception shapes us. Not just that but its amazing how multiple people can look at different things or events and come away with totally different takeaways.

Sometimes its confirmation bias, but in a way everything could be confirmation bias. If you don't like a certain public figure everything they do will be seen through the lens of suspicion and distrust.

For example, everyone knows what a major Swiftie I am. I love Taylor Swift and her music and everything about her. We go to Taylor themed dance parties and are going to her upcoming Showgirls movie in theaters. Yet when I post about Taylor on social media, there is always at least one person who has to tell me they can't stand her. When I ask why, they usually say she's fake or calculating or bitchy. Now I've been following her for years, seen every performance and interview and I don't have the first clue how anyone can watch or listen to her for five minutes and come away with fake and calculating, but here we are.

Now, there may be a lot of societal roots to this like internalized misogyny, jealousy or a number of other things I don't have time to dive into. But that is one example. Another example of course is our current President Donald Trump. I'm 51 years old and can't recall in my lifetime a more divisive figure if not in our history alone. From the first day he announced he was running for president, I thought he was an unserious clown. I still think that. I don't think he has a sincere bone in his body, nor does he have an internal monologue which is why he just says whatever is on his mind at a given time, no matter how awful it is.

Yet there are people I've known for years, very caring and compassionate people who think he is the greatest thing to happen to this country and that he is an amazing president sent by God to lead us to some promised land. For the life of me I don't know can can't figure out how anyone can hear him talk and think "Wow, this is a brilliant, godly man."

I used to go to church growing up. I was very devout, I spent three years in Bible college studying for ministry and got my associates degree. Never finished my bachelors. I ended up leaving shortly after my Associates graduation. A big part of it is how fake everything felt. I was trying my best to do the work, to fix myself, grow close to God and help others.

Yet my own church would use my own weaknesses and failings against me. They started talking about politics, this was in the mid 2000's when Obama first came on the scene. I was troubled how a lot of the problems they had with Obama was cloaked in various forms of racism. The fearmongering about the world in general and the urgency they put on voting for only Republicans at all costs.

I tried to point out as servants of God, we need not be afraid. I pointed to the Sermon on the Mount and expressed he called us to bring Heaven on Earth. We are above and transcend earthly politics, back biting and power grabs. I was called a false prophet and told I was brainwashed by the liberal media.

I left the church and became an atheist for a long time until about 6 years ago when I started learning witchcraft. I'm now a witch and sometimes pagan, though currently just practice witchcraft and do meditation and grounding rituals. All of which are very powerful in themselves.

Witchcraft is a whole different blog for another time, but I will say on my mental health journey it has done wonders and been amazing for my mental health and grounding.

I will say, even though I left the church and spent years deconstructing and unraveling a lifetime of trauma, it doesn't make me sad to see what the American Church has become. Its no longer about God or Jesus but is all about power and tormenting those it sees as inferior. Once again and back to the theme of the blog, I suppose this could be my perception.

Back in the Myspace days I had a page dedicated to ministry and outreach. I would post weekly Bible studies and try to reach anyone who would listen. One atheist friend told me how the Bible was full of hate, anger and violence according to many Christians. I asked her, why do I see so much love and acceptance and forgiveness. She said, "Because you are a loving and caring person, so that is what you take away. People who are bitter and angry will come away with judgement and wrath." and she was right.

It stuck with me for a long time, but anytime I'd see a church person flipping out over the most petty of offenses, that was what came to mind. Perception or predisposition? I suppose that is something a psychologist would need to parse through or has tried to for decades. I'm not sure what the correct answer is, but I suspect its somewhere in between.

So, it comes back to our perception and what does that mean? It means sometimes we need to look outside of our own worldview and see what may someone else take from this. Now, in the means of hate and bigotry there isn't much to observe. People who take that way from any message are already hateful people no matter how much Christian imagery they try to dress it up in. It's still racism and bigotry.

I don't know what this means for the world we live in. Even though I'm no longer Christian, I still tend to think in grander, cosmic terms. Not just how will things effect me, but how it will effect the country, the world? Whether we realize it or not, all of our actions have a ripple effect, like a pebble in a pond. They can shake or change thing down the road from ourselves we may never even know about. This goes with our words. Words are spells, I truly believe that. Words have meaning, words have power. Words can change someone's life for the better, or scar them for good. Words can alter the universe and bend reality. Its all in how we choose to deploy them.

That at least has been my perception. As I get older I try to be more careful with my words and choose words that will be constructive or uplifting in some way. We are not helpless as the world spins out of control. Even if we only effect one person close to us, that ripple effect can shake mountains. We don't have to commit large grand actions. Starting with our words and how we treat those around us is the first step.

We live in a world that would tear each of us down immediately if possible. There is no need to pile onto that. We can be the change and heal the world. The first step is altering our perception of how we see the world and how we see ourselves.