The Need To Create or Just Act Like a Restless Weirdo
It's around 10pm and I'm sitting here watching the first Transformers movie with my family. Its the best one in my opinion. I kept feeling like I needed to blog something, but I had no idea what. Like what do I post this late at night? I'm kinda tired and I've done two blogs today and three legal documents for my day job. That is a pretty productive day.
Yet, I still feel like its not enough. I need to create something else, post something else, get something out there. I do enjoy it, don't get me wrong. Even as I type I'm thinking how fun this is, but I'm also tired. Why am I like this? I even painted the above painting on my tablet before I started this blog. I feel like its part of the whole bipolar adventure. Constant movement.
I remember years ago I got involved with a local goth group and cut my hair into a mohawk. My wife told me she will always be as supportive as possible, but if I could just "plateau the weirdness" so she couuld have a minute to process each thing and be able to keep up. I felt that was a fair request, so now when I get another brilliant idea, I ask myself "Have I done anything outlandish recently, or should I hold off on this one?"
I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a beat and thinking things through before acting, something I didn't used to do many years ago, so that's progress. For now its art and this blog, which my therapist says is good for me and good for my art. Its a way to showcase my art and a way for me to write and get my thoughts out in a constructive manner that will help others.
Maybe I've become too focused on mental health and self improvement. Though I'm not selling any quick cures or miracle treatments or saying come with me to this sweat lodge and you'll be ablet to conquer the world!
No, I'm just relating my own experience and demons. In the short time I've been doing this, I found a lot of people are dealing with the same things I am, so its nice to know that I'm not alone. We are not alone. So my goal here is to build a community, away from the social media giants and billionaires and we can support and help each other.
That may be a lofty goal or over optimistic one, but I figure I'll never get anywhere if I don't take big swings. If nothing else, this will act as an online fancy journal. Either way it still helps me. I just get an extra dopamine rush when I see people have actually read it and liked it. I guess anyone would.
I'm going to keep this one short tonight. Hopefully you all don't mind my late night musings as I vomit my inner monologue all over the digital page. Oh, while I'm word vomiting, I want to document a really weird ass dream I had last night.
I had a dream I was a member of the Sons of Anarchy TV motorcycle gang, but as like a tertiary member, but I still had a cool jacket. I helped them in some shootout and then we converted the motorcycle riding area into a chicken coop. Yeah I don't know either, it was weird as shit. My dreams I remember usually are. I don't want to know what the ones I don't remember are.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense. Since I started blogging, I'm trying to read more blogs by other people I know or watch their podcasts. Just feel taking in independent content creators stuff will be the future of the internet and I'm happy to show some support however I am able. Have a great night everyone and stay sane out there.