Mental Health and Contrarianism

This is kind of a self reflective blog and something I've noticed about myself lately. Maybe its a mental health thing, maybe I'm just an oddball. But it seems in a lot of ways I never went with the flow. And I don't just do the opposite of everyone just to do it. I don't think that's true contrarianism. Hating something everyone else likes just because its popular is just trying to be edgy in most cases.

To me, being contrarian means you look at what everyone else is doing and question those norms as to why they are doing it and will it work for me, or is there another way that is less traveled but overlooked that could work for me. My most recent thing was choosing Ghost blog over Substack. I keep mentioning this because I keep seeing it brought up and more and more high profile people going to Substack. I can definitely see the draw of substack. My understanding is its like an Etsy for bloggers. People can easily find you there and it recommends you on other blogs.

Only thing is, it recommends others on your blog also. I won't dive too much into this, but for me it was important to have my own domain and own my own content. Ghost is decentralized and after having various issues on different social media platforms, being fully independent was important to me, even if I have an uphill climb to get subscribers for awhile.

But my whole life, I've been like this and I'm not sure why. I know some of it is mental illness. It was really bad when I wasn't medicated. I'd do the opposite of the group just because I didn't to conform or follow their rules. In a few cases that ended up hurting me in the longer run. Now, I'm more careful in how or what I choose to do. I have learned the hard way that getting along with others and networking is actually a useful thing. But its not the only thing.

I know a lot of mental health bloggers focus on toxic positivity and platitudes. Here I try to focus on the real and the ugly as well as the good things. Sometimes we are just having bad days and its ok to just let yourself have that bad day and feel all the ugly feelings. All feelings are valid including sadness and anger. There is nothing wrong with letting yourself process those through. Its actually healthy. Now, don't direct it at innocent people. Find coping skills that can take you through it. For me obviously its writing or walking. If my thoughts get too dark, I hand write them out in my journal that no one sees.

Once I work it through I feel way better afterward. Stuffing those feelings only makes them build up, then you become like a pressure cooker. Over time it will bubble over and you'll just blow up. That has happened to me in the past and its not fun or pretty for anyone involved or around you.

So, feel the feelings and let it all out in whatevrer way is healthy to you. Back to contrarianism.

I like Taylor Swift as you all know, I love her and her music even though she's super popular. I like a lot of popular things, so I'm not a total rebel. I liked Game of Thrones and even don't mind watching Twilight with my wife. But when it comes to doing things especially creatively I tend to be more my own person.

One thing I have to check myself on is overthinking. When I make a decision I tend to mull over everything in my head questioning and exploring if I made the right call, can I change my mind, what happens if I change my mind, will things be better the other way, and on and on my brain goes. Even now I still do this. Like occasionally I think of moving this page to Substack but then I stop myself.

I don't know the solution to over thinking other than finding ways to distract myself or going back over my reasons for chosing said path to begin with. I usually reassure myself I'm going the right way and settle down. Sometimes I do change my mind. Like my first few blogs were on Blogger, but I quickly decided I wanted something not owned by a corporate entity.

This brings me to the importance of networking and how contrarianism can effect relationships. In past business ventures, I was very stand offish. I wanted to do things my way and didn't want anyone else telling me what to do. I'd lash out at anyone with any input and if I did try to work together with others, it would fall apart when I'd refuse to compromise in various areas. So I just did it all myself, which I like doing and enjoy all my own publishing, creating, marketing, etc. But when everyone around you is pissed at you it will eventually come back to bite you.

Plus it just makes everything a battle. Blogging is a bit different. This is more of a solo project, but I do share my blog with other bloggers and share their blogs. I get tips from others and give tips and I'd be open to some type of collaboration down the road. I'm not nearly as uptight as I used to be and people seem less intimidated by me as a result. This I have my medication and therapy to thank. My mind is quieter and calmer and I'm much more deliberate in thinking things through vs. acting out of emotion.

The hard part is realizing when you've made a mistake. There have been many many times I did a contrarian action, only to later realize "wow, this is why no one else has done this" and went back and joined the bunch and had to eat crow because I had talked a big game. Fact is, this will happen and may happen a lot. Don't be afraid to take risks, but be easy on yourself when it doesn't work out. That's my hardest thing to remember sometimes. I tend to really go off on myself when things go south and I need to learn not to do that. I wouldn't know how it would go if I didn't try, and just trying puts us ahead of about 90% of folks out there.

I know I was kind of all over the place here, but once again, this is just me pouring out my thoughts and seeing what forms out of it. I know a lot of people hate conforming and wishing they had options. You do, you always have options. The key is not being afraid to find them and chase them down, even in the face of failure. Jiggle every door handle and eventually one of them will fly open.