Its 4am, I Can't Sleep and Can't stop Listening to The Life of a Showgirl

Like a lot of Swifties, I was up past my bedtime to listen to Taylor Swift's new album in its entirety. I did one full listen thought. Then went to sleep also playing it on my head phones. I have it on now as I write this blog. When I listen to music, it takes me a good while to absorb lyrics. It's just how my brain works. So I won't have a big breakdown of her lyrics and possible meanings.

I will say the twelve songs in this album fit the previous description by Travis Kelce himself on his podcast "TWELVE BANGERS!" I'm not sure I have a favorite yet, but Opalite is quite a bop. After the first listen I couldn't get it out of my head.

Its weird blogging this time of day, as I'm half awake and half in a dreamlike state. I feel tired but also wide awake. I have so much on my mind, yet I wan to shut down. I will tell you I spent all day anxious and wound up with "Swiftie Zoomies" in anticipation for this album and I was not disappointed.

Full disclosure here, I fell back asleep and now am up at 8am watching one of Taylor's BBC radio interviews. Without delving into the record's content too much, I will say this record radiates pure joy and happiness. Now, I've seen some criticism that this record and Taylor is tone deaf because the world is burning and she's singing about love and her happiness.

I think the opposite, this is absolutely what we need right now. Believe it or not, Swifties can do two things at once. We can be concerned and feel for all the things happening in the world. From my own experience, Swifties are among the biggest empaths out there. Seriously, if all we did was sit around and lament at how terrible everything is, we'd all go insane.

Taylor's record seems more timely and needed than ever. She knew we were starving for some kind of escape and release, and she delivered. I've said for years, Taylor is Medicine. Her music and voice are healing. Yes there are people who hate her. Hell, there are people who froth at the mouth at the mere mention of her name. Despite that, for many of us her music sooths and her lyrics are heal.

I know with my battle with anxiety and mental health, a lot of times at night I'm way too wound up to fall asleep. My mind wants to go 100mph while recalling every humiliating moment in my life the instant I close my eyes. So, every night when I go to bed, I put on my headphones with Taylor playing and she literally sings me to sleep.

Tonight we are going to a Life of a Showgirl dance and listening party. We always have a blast at the Swiftie parties and love connecting with the 210 Swifties. There is a joy and excitement at everyone of these events I can't describe and have never experienced anywhere else. We've been to other events, including some of their crafting events making friendship bracelets. And its not put on or fake. I feel genuine connection and happiness when I'm around everyone.

And its been like that in my interaction with most Swifties. Sure there are toxic ones and crazy ones out there, its a huge community. But those folks usually get ignored pretty quickly. I know I don't have time or energy for it.

I've blogged before about the impact of Taylor's music on my life and well being. So I won't go too much into that, other than to say her music, and this album is exactly what we needed right now. People say Taylor is out of touch, I say Taylor knows exactly what is happening and what the world needs.

As a middle aged guy, I can't relate highly to the Showgirl theme she has going on. I do know what its like to be a semi-public figure with my old businesses and writing. I used to have a much larger following on social media and every move and word was often over scrutinized. I can't imagine what she deals with at her level. People get mad at her if she doesn't speak up about current events, they get mad if she speaks up about events.

She does too much, she doesn't do enough. She literally can't win. I know she's super wealthy and famous, but she's also still a human and one who has a lot of empathy. I can't imagine being under that kind of microscrope to the world all of the time. This makes her one of the strongest people alive in my book.

I know I try to follow her example in how I deal with people, in being kind to people and just showing up and being consistent. Maybe that's what Taylor meant all along. Life and art isn't about perfect, but about showing up and being present. Behind the scenes often isn't glamorous and she gave us a glimpse of that.

I try to do that with this blog. There are a lot of mental health and spiritual blogs that are warm and fuzzy and quirky. That isn't me. I'm a mess, somedays an all out trainwreck. This blog may not be the shiniest or most polished or even fun to read, but it will always be real and from the heart. Early in my mental health journey when I wrote about things, I was much more sanitized and careful what I talked about not to get too personal. Now I just put it out there. I try to avoid too much ugly details because I don't want to trigger anyone, but I want to paint a real picture.

This is what Taylor does with her songs and her words. She paints a picture of life, but its not so distinct in such a way we can't make it our own. Some people find it strange as a guy I can relate to and even find meaning in her lyrics. The answer is that Taylor transcends age and gender. Her music can touch everyone if you let it.

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