Fighting those Inner Demons

I'm gonna be honest. I came up with this topic because of the painting I did and I liked it so much I wanted to blog something about it. We all have them and they are all there under the surface in some way. The key is knowing what you are up against and how to approach it. Growing up I was often taught to just stuff it all down and not address it, but that resulted in ugly blow ups later on that wasn't good for me or anyone.

Understanding Your Demons

First off, I'm not talking about literal demons. I mean I guess I could be but most people aren't walking around demon possessed. I'm talking about things like trauma, mental illness, anger, depression, etc. Then you have people like a medical doctor I went to years ago. He was a family practitioner and was treating me for depression and anxiety.

My current meds weren't working, so I went to see him and talked to him about it. I'd noticed before he had Christian stuff up in his office and Bibe verses, I never paid it any mind. Until this day, I told him my meds weren't working. His response was "It sounds to me at this point like you may have some demonic oppression. If you'd like me to pray with you I can do that."

I should have said something clever or got up and stormed out, but I was a mess already and shocked and stunned he said this. So I kind of stammered and talked my way out of there and found another doctor immediately.

So, that's not the demons I am talking about, and if your medical doctor talks about demonic oppression I suggest getting out of there quickly. One of my own demons is childhood religious trauma. I know this is controversial to some, and I may do another blog more on this later, but there was a lot of spiritual and psychological abuse that happens in fundamentalist churches, especially during the 80s during Satanic Panic era.

I'm 51 now and still have issues trusting people, issues with authority and problems when I see religious figures. I've healed quite a bit over the years. I used to be consumed with anger over any mention of Jesus or religion. Now I'm more objective about it, though I'm Norse pagan now, and don't plan on going back to any Abrahamic religion anytime soon. That said, a lot of my ongoing guilt, anxiety and depression stems from childhood issues I had pushed on me growing up in church. That takes a long long time to unravel.

Likely you already know what your demons are or where they stem from. That is the first step. Once you've identified them you are ready to take them on and start the path to healing.

The Role of Art in Healing

I've talked a lot about this in other blogs, so I won't spend a lot of time on it, but abstract art especially plays a big roll in healing from inner demons. The release of control and just letting your intuition take over and put down on canvas or paper or a digital tablet any patterns and shapes can be so freeing and cathartic. Especially if you're already a control freak. I love seeing what my mind and hands can create without a preconceived idea ahead of time. Its like a form of magic.

Mental Health and Spirituality in the Battle

The key here is spirituality over religion. As I began my mental health journey about five years or so ago, I started down a pagan path. Initially I got into Celtic paganism and the goddess The Morrigan. I feel the Morrigan saved my life in a time I really needed someone and something larger than myself to guide me through.

I'm not saying you have to become a witch or pagan. Practicing something as simple as mindfulness and guided meditation, things I've done myself, can do amazing things in fighting that darkness inside us. Journaling also helps too. For me this blog acts as a journal in a lot of ways, but I still journal by hand in my notebook too for personal topics.

Affirmations are also a great thing to practice. I have a few affirmations and mantras I chat to myself when I start having self doubts or anxiety. It has gotten me through many stressful situations. I currently follow the god's Thor and Odin. Many times I'll say a little mantra or prayer to them over and over. Maybe its them helping, maybe its just in my head, but whatever it is it helps.

This is the first I openly talked about my spirituality here, so I hope its not too weird, but wanted to share a glimpse into my own journey. Wearing a pendant or ring that has meaning to you can be helpful too. My wife is Catholic so she wears a St. Patrick's medal for luck and protection, I wear a Mjolnir with Odin's face on it carved into an ox bone.

But it could be any kind of Talisman like a crystal, any pendant that has meaning or even a rock that you found on the ground that has special meaning or energy. This pendant for me I can tell protects me and helps guide me from troubled areas and helps me make better decisions.

One thing I like about Norse paganism (Not the white supremacists who cosplay as Nordic pagans) is there is no dogma, no "bible" and no governing body. You conform your practice to what suits you. After what I grew up in this is the perfect path for me. If I fall out of practice for a few weeks or months, I don't feel guilty and I'm not failing anyone. The gods will be there when I return.

These above are just some examples, whatever spirituality means to you follow it through and as long as it helps you and you aren't harming anyone else or yourself, then it works and you should follow it. Once it becomes oppressive or dogmatic, then its time to re-examine.

These are just some things you can do in fighting your demons and what has worked for me. We are all different and must all find our paths, but that darkness doesn't need to take hold and doesn't need to control us. We have dominion over our minds and bodies and while we can't control everything, we can control some things. This world is already spinning off kilter, so we need to control the things we can and live our best lives. You can do this.