Divided

This piece is called Divided, and it came straight out of one of the most frustrating parts of myself. I’ve always struggled with indecision. This year alone, I’ve moved my website four or five times. Different formats, different stores, different “great ideas.” Every time I convince myself this is it, only to abandon it before it’s had any chance to take root. It’s like I rip up the soil before anything has time to grow. And honestly? It drives me crazy. I want so badly to just stick with something. To give it the time and space it needs to breathe and succeed. Instead, I keep exploding in different directions, like this drawing shows. The chaos, the scattered energy, the screaming frustration of not being able to land. That’s exactly what I felt as I made this. But I don’t want to keep living in that cycle. I’m hoping this blog, this community, will be different. I’m manifesting that I can finally let it grow instead of sabotaging it with constant change. My meditation practice has been helping me, even if just in small ways, to pause, to sit with the discomfort of doubt, and not run from it so quickly. Divided is raw and uncomfortable, but it’s also a reminder. A reminder that even when I feel split apart, I can still come back together. And maybe this time, I will.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, torn between ideas, pulled in too many directions, second-guessing yourself before anything can fully bloom. If you’ve ever felt divided in your own life, I’d love to hear about it. What helps you commit? What grounds you when your mind wants to scatter? Maybe by sharing our experiences, we can remind each other that even in chaos, there’s still a way forward.