Battling the Fog

I've talked about this some in previous posts, but today I'm going to talk about brain fog. Something I think gets overlooked a lot when talking about healthcare or mental health in general. I had a bout with it this morning and it was rough.

I don't know or have a medical definition of brain fog, just what I understand it to be. Because of the psych meds I'm on, they slow my brain down, which is a good thing mostly. Except somethings things slow down too much. Or there feels like this sluggish haze overtaking my brain. I can think and function, but I'm so tired and everything feels like its moving in slow motion.

The other night we were watching Celebrity Jeopordy. I used to be great at games like this. My 18 year old was blurting out the answers before my brain could even process the question. Not a knock on him at all, he's a very smart kid. Just saying with my medication it takes me an extra beat to process things either when reading or in a conversation.

This morning it was really bad. I wanted to do art, I wanted to write and I have work to do, but I couldnt' really do anything other than doomscroll because my brain felt like it was underwater. Finally after several hours I took a short nap and now, I feel much clearer. I just wish I didn't have to take naps in the middle of the day just to feel normal.

It's not as bad now as when I was on Seroquel. That stuff made me a total zombie. I'd be watching my family having a conversation and they are like "Why are you so quiet?" Truth was, by the time I thought of something to say, they were on a whole new topic.

I've tried the forbidden method of overcoming brain fog by trying to wean off my medication. It went great for a few weeks or so, but then once its all out of my system, the anxiety, panic attacks and crying fits come in full force. So I'm better off and healthier when I'm on it. Its just something I have to deal with until something less harsh comes along. Though I'm on abilify now, which isn't nearly as harsh as some things I'd been on in years past.

One thing that helps a lot is doing art. It helps my mind focus and helps calm me down. This is why like in the above piece I see lots of bright colors and faces and eyes and whatever other strange things. Putting these images and pieces out into the world somehow is calming to me and soothing to my mind. Writing blogs is also therapeutic, but requires a different level of concentration, that my brain has to be mostly clear to accomplish. From my journey this seems to be an ongoing problem with lots of people who battle mental illness. I want your main takeaway from this to be you're not alone, and its ok to step back, take a nap or just recalibrated to get things going. Don't feel bad if you aren't as productive as you'd like to be. It's not a race. You're doing great and you've come this far. Keep plowing along and keep fighting.